GENERAL AUDIENCE POPE FRANCIS
Paul VI Audience Hall
Wednesday, 28 January 2015
The
family - 3. The father
Dear Brothers and Sisters, Good
morning!
Let us resume the series of catecheses
on the family. Today we shall take the word “father” as our guide. It is a term
dearer than any other to us Christians because it is the name by which Jesus
taught us to call God: father. The meaning of this name took on new depth from
the very way Jesus used it to turn to God and to manifest his special
relationship with Him. The blessed mystery of God’s intimacy, Father, Son and
Spirit revealed by Jesus, is the heart of our Christian faith.
“Father” is a term familiar to
everyone, a universal word. It indicates a fundamental relationship, the
reality of which is as old as human history. Today, however, one has reached
the point of claiming that our society is a “society without fathers”. In other
words, particularly in Western culture, the father figure would be symbolically
absent, paled, removed. At first, this was perceived as a liberation:
liberation from the father-master, from the father as the representative of the
law that is imposed from without, from the father as the censor of his
children’s happiness and the obstacle to the emancipation and autonomy of young
people. At times in some homes authoritarianism reigned in the past, in some
cases even oppression: parents who treated their children like servants, not
respecting their individual needs for growth; fathers who did not help them to
start out on their journey with freedom — and it is not easy to bring up a
child in freedom —; fathers who did not help them assume their own
responsibilities to build their future and that of society.
This, certainly, is not a good
approach; but, as often happens, one goes from one extreme to the other. In our
day, the problem no longer seems to be the invasive presence of the father so
much as his absence, his inaction. Fathers are sometimes so concentrated on
themselves and on their work and at times on their career that they even forget
about the family. And they leave the little ones and the young ones to
themselves. As Bishop of Buenos Aires I sensed the feeling of orphanhood that
children are experiencing today, and I often asked fathers if they played with
their children, if they had the courage and love to spend time with their kids.
And the answer was negative in most cases: “But I can’t, because I have so much
work...”. And the father was absent from the little child growing up, he did
not play with him, no, he did not waste time with him.
Now, on this common journey of
reflection on the family, I would like to say to all Christian communities that
we must be more attentive: the absent father figure in the life of little ones
and young people causes gaps and wounds that may even be very serious. And, in
effect, delinquency among children and adolescents can be largely attributed to
this lack, to the shortage of examples and authoritative guidance in their
everyday life, a shortage of closeness, a shortage of love from the father. And
the feeling of orphanhood that so many young people live with is more profound
than we think.
They are orphaned in the family,
because the father is often absent, also physically, from the home, but above
all because, when they are present, they do not behave like fathers. They do
not converse with their children. They do not fulfill their role as educators.
They do not set their children a good example with their words, principles,
values, those rules of life which they need like bread. The educative quality
of the time the father spends raising the child is all the more necessary when
he is forced to stay away from home because of work. Sometimes it seems that
fathers don’t know what their role in the family is or how to raise their
children. So, in doubt, they abstain, they retreat and neglect their
responsibilities, perhaps taking refuge in the unlikely relationship as
“equals” with their children. It’s true that you have to be a “companion” to
your child, but without forgetting that you are the father! If you behave only
as a peer to your child, it will do him/her no good.
And we also see this problem in the
civil community. The civil community with its institutions, has a certain —
let’s call it paternal — responsibility towards young people, a responsibility
that at times is neglected or poorly exercised. It too often leaves them
orphaned and does not offer them a true perspective. Young people are thus
deprived of safe paths to follow, of teachers to trust in, of ideals to warm
their hearts, of values and of hopes to sustain them daily. They become filled
perhaps with idols but their hearts are robbed; they are obliged to dream of
amusement and pleasure but they are not given work; they become deluded by the
god of money, and they are denied true wealth.
And so it would do everyone good,
fathers and children, to listen again to the promise that Jesus made to his
disciples: “I will not leave you orphans” (cf. Jn 14:18). He is, indeed, the
Way to follow, the Teacher to listen to, the Hope that the world can change,
that love conquers hatred, that there can be a future of brotherhood and peace
for all. One of you might say to me: “But Father, today you were too negative.
You only spoke about the absent father, what happens when fathers are not close
to their children.... “It’s true, I wanted to stress this, because next Wednesday
I am going to continue this catechesis by highlighting the beauty of
fatherhood. That is why I chose to start from the darkness, in order to reach
the light. May the Lord help us understand these things better .
Special
Greetings
I greet the English-speaking pilgrims
and visitors attending today’s Audience, including the various student groups
from England and the United States of America. Upon you and your families I
cordially invoke the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus. God bless you all!
I address a special thought to the
young people, to the sick and to newlyweds. Today we are celebrating the
memorial of St Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church. May his dedication to
study, foster in you, dear young people, a commitment to understand and a desire
to serve the Gospel; may his faith show you, dear sick people, to turn to the
Lord also in times of trial; may his mildness show you, dear newlyweds, the
manner of relating between spouses within the family.
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