GENERAL AUDIENCE
POPE FRANCIS
Paul
VI Audience Hall
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
The family -
3. The father (Second part)
Dear Brothers
and Sisters, Good morning!
Today I would
like to develop the second part of my reflection on the figure of the father in
the family. Last time I spoke about the danger of “absent” fathers, today I
would like to look instead at the positive aspect. Even St Joseph was tempted
to leave Mary, when he discovered that she was pregnant; but the Angel of the
Lord intervened and revealed to him God’s plan and his mission as foster
father; and Joseph, a just man, “took his wife” (Mt 1:24) and became the father
of the family of Nazareth.
Every family
needs a father. Today we shall reflect on the value of his role, and I would
like to begin with a few expressions that we find in the Book of Proverbs,
words that a father addresses to his own son, and it reads like this: “My son,
if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. My soul will rejoice when
your lips speak what is right” (Pr 23:15-16). Nothing could better express the
pride and emotion a father feels when he understands that he has handed down to
his child what really matters in life, that is, a wise heart. This father does
not say: “I am proud of you because you are the same as me, because you repeat
the things I say and do”. No, he does not say anything so simple to him. He
says something much more important, which we can understand in this way: “I
will be happy every time I see you act with wisdom, and I will be moved every
time that I hear you speak with rectitude. This is what I wanted to leave to
you, that this one thing become yours: the attitude to feel and act, to speak
and judge with wisdom and rectitude. And that you might be like this, I taught
you the things you didn’t know, I corrected the errors you didn’t see. I made
you feel a profound and at the same time discrete affection, which maybe you
did not fully recognize when you were young and unsure. I gave you a testimony
of rigour and steadfastness that perhaps you didn’t understand, when you would
have liked only complicity and protection. I had first to test myself in the
wisdom of my heart, be vigilant of my excesses of sentiment and resentment, in
order to carry the weight of the inevitable misunderstandings, to find the
right words to make myself understood.” Now, continues the father, “I see that
you strive to be this way with your own children, and with everyone, and it
moves me. I am happy to be your father”. This is what a wise father, a mature
father, says. A father knows all too well what it costs to hand down this
heritage: how close, how gentle and how firm to be. But what consolation and
what recompense he receives when the children honour this legacy! It is a joy
that rewards all the toil, that overcomes every misunderstanding and heals
every wound.
The first
need, then, is precisely this: that a father be present in the
family. That he be close to his wife, to share everything, joy and sorrow, hope
and hardship. And that he be close to his children as they grow: when they play
and when they strive, when they are carefree and when they are distressed, when
they are talkative and when they are silent, when they are daring and when they
are afraid, when they take a wrong step and when they find their path again; a
father who is always present. To say “present” is not to say “controlling”!
Fathers who are too controlling cancel out their children, they don't let them develop.
The Gospel
speaks to us about the exemplarity of the Father who is in Heaven — who alone,
Jesus says, can be truly called the “good Father” (cf. Mk 10:18). Everyone
knows that extraordinary parable of the “prodigal son”, or better yet of the
“merciful father”, which we find in the Gospel of Luke in chapter 15 (cf.
15:11-32). What dignity and what tenderness there is in the expectation of that
father, who stands at the door of the house waiting for his son to return!
Fathers must be patient. Often there is nothing else to do but wait; pray and
wait with patience, gentleness, magnanimity and mercy.
A good father knows
how to wait and knows how to forgive from the depths of his heart.
Certainly, he also knows how to correct with firmness: he is not a weak father,
submissive and sentimental. The father who knows how to correct without
humiliating is the one who knows how to protect without sparing
himself. Once I heard a father at a meeting on marriage say: “Sometimes I have
to strike the children lightly... but never in the face so as not to humiliate
them”. How beautiful! He has a sense of dignity. He must punish, but he does it
in a just way, and moves on.
If, then,
there is someone who can fully explain the prayer of the “Our Father”, taught
by Jesus, it is the one who lives out paternity in the first person. Without
the grace that comes from the Father who is in Heaven, fathers loose courage,
and abandon camp. But children need to find a father waiting for them when they
come home after failing. They will do everything not to admit it, not to show
it, but they need it; and not to find it opens wounds in them that are
difficult to heal.
The Church,
our mother, is committed to supporting with all her strength the good and
generous presence of fathers in families, for they are the irreplaceable
guardians and mediators of faith in goodness, of faith in justice and in God’s
protection, like St Joseph.
APPEAL
Once again my
thoughts go to the beloved people of Ukraine. Unfortunately the situation is
deteriorating and the polarity between the parties is growing worse. Let us
pray first and foremost for the victims, among whom are so many civilians, and
for their families, and let us ask the Lord that this horrible fratricidal
violence cease as quickly as possible. I renew the heartfelt appeal in order
that all effort — on the international level as well — be made for the
reopening of dialogue, the only possible way to restore peace and harmony in
that tortured land. Brothers and sisters, when I hear the words “victory” or
“defeat” I feel great sorrow, great sadness in my heart. They are not just
words; the only just word is “peace”. This is the only just word. I am thinking
of you, Ukrainian brothers and sisters …. Think, this is a war among
Christians! You all share one baptism! You are fighting with Christians. Think
about this scandal. And let us all pray, for prayer is our protest before God
in times of war.
Special
Greetings
I greet the
English-speaking pilgrims and visitors taking part in today’s Audience,
including those from England, Wales, Finland, Sri Lanka and the United States
of America. Upon you and your families I cordially invoke joy and peace in the
Lord Jesus. God bless you all!
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Copyright - Libreria Editrice Vaticana
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